The most prevalent emotional residue I have learned from my mother’s bloodline.
The pushing an experience of pain away, separating ourselves from its perceived cause, telling ourselves it is ‘out there’ and is doing something ‘to me’ (the victim state). This avoiding of pain rather than opening oneself up to integrate into action that is compassionate and releasing in judgment is what keeps our pain points stuck. The stagnant pain may result in escapism, numbness and detached heart or the other end of the spectrum- a raw state of open wound susceptible to the easy buttons being pushed.
What are some ways pain caused from avoidance may show itself?
Inability to receive or share love.
Feelings of resentment or unworthiness.
Lack of clarity.
Fear of communicating one’s feelings.
Unable to embrace self-accountability.
These effects can become quite destructive in our relationship to ourselves and those relationships outside of us. One common reason is avoidance keeps our victim stories alive within. In a culture that feeds a lot of division and self-focus ideals, the victim state is all more alluring because even if we may see that this attachment as victim leads to self-sabatoging experiences– the experience of that kind of pain itself, feels familiar and self-identifying… thus safe.
Most of any deep emotional pain I have ever experienced has served as messengers on environments, situations, relationships, habits and ways of communication I needed to identify, sit with, address, change and/or release and re-align back into center with my heart into new approaches.
Some practices that I recommend to help gradually shift your emotional and mental responses to residual patterns of Avoidance:
°°Pause: I try to take a moment to sit with the initial feelings of experience as it arises in my body. The pause isn’t easy to practice if you are in mid-conversation with another. This is when a temporary step away or telling the other you need to Pause may be best for both. Remember. Stepping away is a pause. Not avoidance.
°°Emotional Freedom Tapping Technique: I discovered EFT tapping after divorce of my marriage. EFT is an energy psychology and wonderful technique for removing negative emotions or when you feel stuck or unsure in certain mental states. The physical tapping with the tips of your fingers targets the acupuncture points on the face and body where your energy is stuck to help to clear. Brad Yates on YouTube is my go-to for some beautifully effective short EFT videos. I often experience a lighter energy after 10 minute of this practice.
°°Speak/Journal with the Heart: I ask myself in these emotional halt moments: “What does your heart say, Carly?” I have a conversation with the thing I want more clarity on. To unravel closer to the inner truth. Fear about a certain situation. My health. Tough conversation with a family member. Writing to release can give the ability to put the guidance into practice with making a decision, having that conversation, beginning one change of habit, etc.
If you find yourself in this space and desiring support in embodying a new way of relating, you are welcomed to explore my Intuitive Guidance Sessions.
The first step would be a free online 30-minute consultation session. This time gives an opportunity for us to connect and get to know each other, for me to learn more about your own journey that called you here, and for the both of us to see if working together is the best fit for you.
Until then. Go soft with yourself and others.